ONE - 21.12.2020

Dearest Athiyan,

Yayyy!!! We've reached the magical number ONE. Kudos to both of us for this milestone. You've grown from a teeny-tiny goofy little ball to a dynamic infant who is learning to communicate through actions / expressions and occasionally through an array of sounds (which is not understandable to grown-ups)

I'm not sure what triggered it, whether your own realisation that you're going to be a year-old or the constant nag or pressure from the people around you, you managed to sit up on your own, finally. After almost about 3-4 months of trying and failing and almost giving up. And oh, even this sitting up, you do it only when you want to, and almost never do it when people request you to. Mostly you are happy swimming (read crawling) around the house grabbing and throwing out all that is within your reach.

Thanks to the training of your thatha and paati, you have learnt to identify quite a few things in the house, and touch your head, ears, bangles and anklets when we ask where it is. Also you recognise Giraffe, Zebra and bunny from our wild animals which we see through almost every night before bed. 

We got a shape sorter for you when you were about 10 months old. You used to throw away the lid, take out all the pieces and use the box as drum and make sounds with it. 2 months later, just when I had given up all hopes on you using it for its intended purpose, one fine day, you got the Eureka moment seeming to have finally figured out that the lid is to be put on and the shapes need to be put through the holes in the lid. You are yet to learn which shape goes in through which hole, which I am sure you'll figure out in another couple of months. 

Dogs and Drums are your best mood boosters. You reserve your happiest of the shrieks for the dogs on the road. The way your eyes lit up when you spot a dog on the road and the way you call out to it is too cute to miss. As for Drums, I have already described in previous posts about how much you love it and how you make everything that you get your hands on (from bubble tops to random household utensils) as a makeshift drum.  

Your naughtiness and playtime has increased manifold. There are times when you play on our own trying to pull / push / poke / move around something. You seem to be so involved in it that you don't care if anyone is sitting near you or keeping an eye on you. You seem so independent. But then, there are other times when you demand people play with you / entertain you. You love it when people do something to make you smile and make a joyous cry. And once they're done with it, you demand they keep repeating it over and over again and again.

Your birthday went by quite smoothly. We did a small cake cutting with just the grandparents and neighbours. We decided to cut the cake at about 6 in the evening, and by 5.30PM you started feeling sleepy and turning a little cranky. But thanks to the grandparents, all the balloons and candles, you managed to stay awake for another 15 mins to cut the cake. When people around started singing Happy Birthday, I thought you'd be shocked with all the noise and start crying, but guess what you did.. You started clapping your hands in joy. That's probably the best moment that'd stay etched in everybody's memory about your birthday celebration. 

We went on our first roadtrip post your birthday. For all my worry on how are we going to manage you in the car for 6 long hours, you surprised by sleeping through most part of the journey and hardly caused a tantrum. This surely made your dad the happiest, and as for me, I finally have gained some confidence that we can manage travelling with you. 

To more of such fun trips, sleepless nights (this is going to take years to stop), random people watching, more growing up with you... 

Love, 

Amma. 

P.S.: Sorry for the late post, got quite held up with the birthday decors, that I didn't find enough time to write out this post.

11 Months!

Dearest Athiboy,

You are just one month away from being a year old. I tried reading my older posts and started feeling nostalgic, because so much has changed since then and keeps changing all the time. One of the biggest changes is, the transition from the so-called social bird to a kid who gets a little scared when meeting new people. You are a happy kid in your home ground, but once we cross it, you tend to be a little worried and cling on to known faces a little more than usual. In home ground, you call random people on the road and laugh, smile and interact with them as if you'd always known them. But outside home ground, your usual self takes a backseat and you are quite tensed and worried.

Your smiles are no longer toothless. You have 4 teeth now, 2 up and 2 down. You have learnt to bite things, like toys, spoons and waterbottles. Yet to start biting people. 

This month, you have started to lift yourself up and stand with the help of support or by holding onto sofas. I simply can't forget the number of times you kept trying to lift yourself up from the ground. Despite failing each time, you kept trying day in and day out, and you still keep trying to lift yourself up without any support. Just another couple of weeks / months after which I think you will be completely on your own. 

Day naps still continue to be a challenge, but people at home have almost gotten used to your pattern of sleep and things are comparatively better than the initial days. Nights are surprisingly becoming smoother and easier. I'm a little too skeptical to rejoice at this change for the fear of you going back to your old ways again.  

You seem to have seen a lot of cows and dogs on the road and seem to jump in joy when you spot them. And what more, whenever you see a dog, you make a cute sound (almost similar to the ju..ju..ju..) as if you are trying to interact with it. 

Oh, and one more thing that I observed this month was, you have learnt to squeeze the rubber toys, the toys with a whistle in them. We had been having that toy ever since you were 3-4 months old, but its only now that you have learnt to squeeze it hard enough to hear the sound. And the look of accomplishment on your face once the sound comes, pah, chance eh ila!

You are legs boy, i.e. anything at all that you play with will be taken in your hand and then placed between your legs for playing. You absolutely love when you are able to create sounds. So your most favourite thing to play with is drum (We have a mini Djembe at home, given to Venky by a friend of his) and next in queue is utensils, waterbottles and bells. And how do you play the Djembe? Only by supporting it with your legs. It's the single most thing that seems to give you immense pleasure anytime. Be in whatever cranky mood or sleepiness, the sight of the Djembe will instantly bring a smile on your face. 

We introduced Poochi a.k.a Dragonfly to you sometime this month, and guess what, you wanted to catch hold of it and play with it. Curious little fellow you are. Always interested in anything and everything. 

Diwali went by, and we both had an amazing time gazing at the numerous fire crackers that lit the sky from our terrace. We spent almost 1-2 hours turning our heads trying to catch a glimpse of the colors on the sky. You liked the sparkles and the flower pots too, but you most enjoyed the night shots only. You got a little shocked when you heard bombs that burst nearby, but didn't cry inconsolably at the constant sounds throughout those two days, which was quite surprising. 

You are growing more inquisitive day-by-day which is very visible in your eyes, and quite soon you will start putting your curious observations into questions. Ah, I just can't wait to see all that. I am really excited to see you grow kid. 

If there is one thing that has changed in me in all this time, I seem to invariably see you in every kid that I come across on the roads, or shops or anywhere at all. I can't help but wonder when looking at kids older than you, on how would you be at that age. When looking at kids younger than you, I remember how you were at that age. My mind seems to be so full of you, most of the time. I have totally fallen in love with you Athiya!

Endrendrum, 

Amma

A run after what feels like an Eternity!

Given that I have documented every one of my running journey in this blog, it is only right that I document this here as well.

So yes, I ran a 3k run today after almost 1.7 years. Ever since the Malnad Ultra got over, my running practices slowly dwindled and it came to a full halt as I got pregnant. 

The first 3 months of postpartum went by in sleepless nights, endless eating and the onset of Covid-19. Towards the end of 3 months is when I decided I should atleast start walking. And so, I began walking in loops on the terrace. It was quite a task to walk that way, and I wasn't quite sure if it would really help. But something is better than nothing right, so I continued walking that way for a couple of months. The biggest trouble was, I couldn't be consistent with it. Some weeks, I walked almost everyday, in others, I skipped the walks for days together. Even after all this, I was still hesitant to run because I was not quite sure if my body was really ready for the run. 

By June, I had to resume work. Though it was only work from home, I wasn't able to allocate a time to continue my terrace walks. And eventually, the walks stopped. I did try to join a couple of friends who went on walks / runs early in the morning, but since my night sleeps are very disturbed these days, I wasn't able to get up on time in the mornings. So that too didn't work out. Then came V's back pain. He suffered from severe back pain having to sit for hours together in front of the system owing to work from home. In order to ease out the pain, the Doc suggested him to go for a walk, and I tagged along with him. We walked along the MRTS road till Sunshine School and back home in the evening, which was almost a 4k distance. This continued for almost 3 weeks, and stopped again, because either of us always had calls or other at that time. 

Then came October, which began and continued with almost zero workout. Last weekend I went on a small one day trek, and that is when I realised how out of form my body had become. I was almost panting for short uphill climbs. Though my endurance remained the same, I was fatigued quite easily. And that is when I decided I should start running again. 

After two mornings of snoozing alarms and rain not allowing me to venture out, I managed to wake up and run today. It was a 3k, in a comfortable slow jog. It felt so good to be running after so long. Happy that my body co-operated, even though it will surely take a while for it to get used to this and improve the pace. I only pray that I practice consistently. 

Consistency..the one word that keeps reverberating in my mind all the while now. 

I will post the next update once I complete my November goal of 60km. 

10 Months!

Dearest Athiboy, 

You complete 10 months today. As I write this, I see you cutely sleeping at 7pm (Note to self: its going to be a midnight party) after tiring yourself out with almost 4 hours of non-stop play. 

Your sense of understanding and responding to people has grown immensely in the last few months, and in the last few days its been very visible. You know when people call you, when people point at something and ask you to look at it, you look and you exclaim in joy if its something that you like. And when people come over to you and ask whatever you have in hand, you respond and give it to them. I wonder how you have observed, understood and learned these.

You love all things moving. Right from moving cars to a flying bird or airplane. Moving things with light is your best mood cheerer, like, cars with lights at night, aircraft's light. Oh, how much you jump around in joy seeing them. Its a sight to cherish. Whenever you get bored of being inside home, you demand to be taken out on the road or to the terrace. Its only with seeing the cars or the birds that you fall asleep during the day, else day time naps are non-existent. For the last few days, you refuse to go near your Thatha when you're almost sleepy knowing very well that he might put you into sleep. If he takes you along even after your refusal, you start twisting and turning your face on his shoulders and eventually he lets you down on the bed and you start playing as if you had just woken up. So Thatha has accepted defeat and now, its Paati who is making you sleep during the day.

One thing that has changed quite significantly in the past one month is, you have known to identify me very well, and almost want to cling on to me whenever I am around. If I pass by you without acknowledging or playing with you, avlodan. You almost start crying. And off late, whenever I let you down or hand you over to anyone else, there breaks an almost instant cry, with tears streaming across the cheeks. And even during the nights when you start crying out in sleep, you refuse to stop crying even when V lifts you, but the moment I take you up in my arms and rock, you seem to slowly soothe down. This all feels so weird to me. I am in that stage where I am not sure if I should be happy that you like me so much, or worry that you are becoming a clingy baby.

Your naughtiness is growing by each passing day. And a couple of days ago, you crawled into the kitchen and opened up the drinking water tap, letting the water flow and started playing with it as if you were bathing. You want to go anything that is on the floor, and play with it, and put it into your mouth. Its becoming quite a task to stop you from putting things into your mouth and moving out things that could be dangerous for you out of your reach.

You are slowly getting used to meeting your cousins and relatives, and have reduced your panicky cries on seeing new people a little, and try best to respond to and play with them. This month beach trip was with your cousin, but you were so sleepy and a little too disinterested (may be because this was the first time the beach was sunny ever since we started going) and slept off midway. 

If there is one thing about you that drives me mad these days, it's the scratches and pinches you inflict upon us when we try to make you sleep. How many ever times, I cut your nails, they still seem to be quite sharp and eventually everybody at home have scratch marks in the neck and the arms. Isn't there an end to this?

You are quite an independent player and most often play on your own, when even if I insist on joining, you don't give a damn and continue on your own. Ball throws is one of your favourite game, and you love playing it with anybody. 

Looking forward to more fun times and less scratches from you,

Love, 

Amma

9 Months!

Dearest Athiboy, 

You are 9 months old today. This phase of life with you seems to be one of the bestest till date. You play and respond to people when they do something to entertain you. People always want to be around you and similarly, you enjoy people's attention. It gives you a high which you exhibit through your roaring laughs (sounding like a lion's garjanai) 

You are the Thatha's pet and Thatha is your pet, because he is the one who takes you on rounds in the terrace or the car parking and holds you in his arms and stands by the gate as you stare at every passing vehicle turning your neck, left and right. You simply love his attention. Especially when you are playing at home in the floor and Thatha just walks past or gets up from his chair for something, you immediately see him and plead with him to take you along wherever it might be. If at all he goes off without taking you, avlodan...your pleading turns to a desperate cry, seeing which Thatha will run over to take you along. 

These days all you want to do is. play... play... play. You have got bored with all the toys that you have (Even though I make it a point to keep rotating the toys we give you), so you have found other ways to keep yourself engaged by playing with random household stuff. You love water bottles, tap and play with them, to the point where the lid eventually comes open. Your tissue pack is another thing that you love, mainly for the sound of the plastic cover that gets crushed when you hold it. On days when we buy vegetables and sit around to sort them, you play with them. But your absolute all time love is utensils, primarily because of the sound (noise to us) they make. You seem to enjoy the clanking sounds and get more excited and keep banging them again and again. Kind of torturous to the ones sitting near you, but they don't try to snatch it away from you for the fear of you getting disappointed. 

I am amazed at the sharpness of your eyes, for you go around touching and attempting to lick the tiniest of dirt bits on the floor. Somebody has got to keep their eyes on you all the while when you are playing about. 

You have started to sit comfortably (when you're made to sit) without any support for a good 5-10 minutes, after which you slowly fall off onto the sides. For the last one week you have been constantly trying to lift yourself up with your knees. Every time you roll over you want to try to lift yourself, but you can't hold on in that position for more than three to four seconds, but still you try doing it all the time.

You have learnt to understand a few phrases and actions and respond appropriately. Like, you clap your hands when we ask you to. You give a cute hi-fi when someone raises their hand for one. You tend to recognise when people call you and turn around to see who it is and what they're doing. 

Your reserve your best reactions when you see me / dad or anybody at home for that matter, after a long gap, i.e., more than a couple of hours. You just jump at them and become all konji-konji and give your trademark laughing garjanai. It's always a sight to cherish. In the morning, once you wake up, you just want to jump into your Patti's arms and tour the whole house, as if you're seeing it for the first time. In the noon or evenings when I come out for a break from work, you'd want to jump on to me and demand to be taken either to the terrace or the swing in the car parking area.

Your journey with food is taking amazing turns with each passing day, together with a lot of adamance and begging. Adamance is refusing the food prepared for you, begging to be fed the food we eat. You love to experiment with new tastes and once we did try feeding you a lemon. The expression you gave when you took a lick of the juice was priceless, and guess what, you wanted to keep licking and giving the same reaction.

In this month's new song find, we've bumped into one of the Super Star's hits. It happened one day when Thatha was randomly humming the "Oho Oho" tune of the Kicku Yerudhe song from Padayappa and you just started laughing. From then on, every time someone hums that song, or it's played on the TV, you flash your biggest, no longer toothless, grin. Yes, it's high time I stop calling you toothless because one small front teeth has finally made a sneak peek into the outside world. 

You take your own sweet time to interact with people, and get a little panicky and scared if a large group of people not known to you come over and play with you (apparently, it was his cousin sisters who desperately wanted to play with him, but he got too scared of having too many unknown people around at the same time and started crying). 

Our newest entertainment is a sitting swing, gifted by a dear neighbour. You love swinging in it and play ball throws from it. This swing has conveniently replaced the usual Thooli, as you absolutely refuse to sleep in it off-late. You get so angry when we put you in the Thooli and cry your lungs out even though you are quite sleepy. These days we make you sleep only through a couple of rounds of walking in the car parking area, and then swing for some time. Gone are the days of making you sleep in the legs or thooli. Day naps are in two extremes. One is either sleep through most of the day, or don't sleep at all. The surprising element here is I'd never know which day would be what. It's impossible to find out a pattern. Nights are quite manageable, because my body and my mind has become your friend, and can cater to your requests without having to wake myself up fully. (Poor V still hasn't got completely used to your middle of the night disturbances and struggles with his sleep)

Our beach routines are still going strong and you seem to liking the place, the water and not to forget, all the attention and random antics of the strangers who spot you there. 

To more lemony adventures and beach hopping

Love,

Amma

8 Months!

Dear Athiyan, 

You are only 4 months away from turning an year old. You are growing taller and naughtier by each passing day. Gone are the days when V held you up in one hand. You just cannot be held in hands any longer. You'd have to be lifted and rested either on the hips or with your face over our shoulders. And once somebody lifts you, they have to move around, because if they don't, you make weird noises and shake your legs, urging them in your own cute way, to move. 

Now that you know quite well about all that is in the house, you are getting bored easily with the usual stuff and demand being taken either to the terrace or to the swing downstairs or the road. While on the roads, you keep turning your neck on the either sides, a thousand times to see every vehicle passing by until it goes out of sight. If by chance we go stand near a plant / tree, avlodan, that poor plant will be dead, because you want to hold and eventually pull it off and take it with you in your hands. 

You almost detest sitting on someone's lap unless there is something for you to play. You love to stand (of course, someone has to hold you while you stand. Not on your own yet) all the while, even though your legs can not hold on more than 40-50 seconds at a stretch and make you fumble. You sit down for a couple of seconds, and are back up on the feet again. And oh, you love standing by the fish tank, banging on the glass with all your might (which unfortunately is still like a gentle tap on the glass) and watching the lights, the bubbles and the little fishes moving about.

Your day naps are dwindling by each passing day. You have started rolling over in the thooli these days. You push the cloth near your face with one of your hands (the other hand would be busy inside the mouth) and sneakily look out at the people outside and throw in your cutest smiles. Or put out your legs out of the thooli, almost as if you are going to get down. I believe its only a couple of weeks before you are going to fall out of the thooli yourself. I have already started hunting the house for cushions / small beds to be put under the thooli, so that you can have a smooth landing when you fall. After all these shenanigans, you doze off to 30-45 minutes nap. Some days though you sleep undisturbed for 2 hours straight during the day, which makes me a little worried about that night's sleep.  

Your night sleeps are completely different game altogether. Its a surprise everyday, something I cannot yet predict or figure out a pattern. Putting you through the first course of sleep is the toughest challenge which takes anywhere between 45 mins to an hour easily, its quite manageable post that. Some nights are very calm, with you sleeping for 3-4 hours at a stretch, while on others, you wake up crying every two hours. Sometimes, you move about with your eyes closed searching for something with your hands, and slowly grab either the AC remote or the nearest toy and use it as pillow and sleep. 

Once you wake up, you need people to watch you, if the ones beside you are sleeping with their backs turned to you, you make it a point to tap them constantly and wake them up, as if to tell, hey buddy, come on, wake up, even I'm awake! And the moment they turn around and look at you, you act as if nobody exists near you and talk to the ceiling. You're crazy like that. 

I can see two big developments this month. One is, you recognise people and have registered their voices. When someone calls you, you search around the place to find that person. Two, you have learnt to try looking at things that people ask you to see. Eg. If I spot a bird in the terrace and point it out and ask you to see, you look in that direction. Also you've learnt to clap with your hands, and even do it when ask you do it, a couple of times. 

From constantly rolling over to grab the things, you've graduated to moving like a worm to grab them. You still are yet to learn the art of crawling fully. It's only now that when you roll over, your right toe has touched the ground and you have started to move about slowly to grab the things that are in front of you. You have an attraction to all things other than toys, like, water bottles, your nappies, baskets, balloons, tissue box, and utensils. 

If you're in a great mood, which is either mostly after a good nap or when you're travelling out, or after food, you smile at anybody and everybody, neighbours, even random strangers on road. Especially when you're travelling in car, you love to look outside, and if some person cared enough to look at your side, you flash such a joyous smile, which instantly makes them smile back at you. 

Your konjals are mostly in the form of face slaps, and cheek / neck pinches or licking / biting the shoulders of the person holding you. Sometimes you do this even to the neighbors who come over to just play with you. Your evenings, after the terrace time, are spent at Subha Akka's (neighbour) house staring at the digital clock or beating on the stools, and conversing in your "Aaaaa" and "Ooooo"s with Subha Akka. 

You have started saying "tha tha tha" and other random words these days. Your drool though, still hasn't reduced at all, and continues to come out in litres. Also, anything you grasp is still first tested by putting it into your mouth. 

After a 6 month long break, you were finally back at the beach, and this time you absolutely enjoyed it. Though I am not too sure if you enjoyed the beach waters as much as you enjoyed watching the crows and dogs moving about on the shore.  I am sure you didn't hate it, because you were in your absolutely best self ever all the time ever since left home for the beach and came back home. Not one bit of tantrum or cry. Hoping we continue the beach tradition every month going forward.

Looking forward to growing with you. 

Love, 

Amma

7 Months!

Dearest Athiboy,

Before I begin writing each month's post, I make sure to read the previous month's post to remind myself of what all I have written. While doing so this time, I was kind of surprised at myself for having written so much. I don't seem to have too many things to write about this month, because life and the whole world as such is seems to be moving in a pace so slow that even the snail's walk seems faster. So here goes this month's updates -

Foot in mouth - Check! Yes, right after a couple of days since you turned 6 months, you managed to put your toes in the mouth. Reminded me of the good old Gokul Santol Talcum Powder logo. But the real joy lay in seeing you constantly trying it, and how your feet would just wriggle out of your hands most often as you tried to lift it up till your mouth.

I have finally figured out that you have started recognizing me as your mother (This word still makes tremble a little with excitement and anxiety). There have been days when you make a sudden cry while sleeping, and the moment I lift you and put you over my shoulders, you calm down in an instant. I simply can't put in words, the way I feel at that moment, purely priceless. I love the way you give your toothless grin when I come out after work to play with you. All these little happy moments make all the tough times worth it.

Evenings are for Terrace Walks, which you absolutely enjoy. The excitement on your face the moment we put you are made to wear a shirt is a sight to behold. You have a couple of "mottamadi buddies" already, a Thatha from the adjacent flat, the Moringa Tree, and the flat neighbors who come in for a walk in the terrace in the evenings. Spending anywhere between 30-45 minutes, you return back to take a power nap for 30-45 minutes as if you are tired after a whole day's work. 

Finally after 3 months, we are back to my parent's place for 15 days. And guess how you reacted! You see each person and started crying, and the moment I come near you, you start laughing. I wasn't sure if I had to be happy that you'd recognized me or sad that you weren't happy with so many people around. But slowly you started adopting and in the next 2 days, you got used to everyone around and have started playing with anybody who wants to play with you. Putting back on the floor / bed after playing with you is like diffusing a bomb, you either roll over happily or start crying a.k.a demanding you be lifted off the floor again, there is no in-between. Its surprising to know that you realize and understand the warmth of a human touch. Great job there, kid! 

You day naps are a shame to naps themselves, because they last not a minute more than half an hour. Sometimes, the time taken to make you sleep is more than the time you actually sleep. But I am not fully complaining because you sleep during the nights, so thank you! 

You have started sitting with some support, and hence, we have got you a feeding chair. Feeding you food in it is comparatively easier, because you can't really move around in it. Without that, it is a big task to make you sit in one position and feed, because you keep jumping to your feet and always want to keep standing. As for eating, you have started accepting other foods pretty graciously (I'm not sure if that's the right word). Right now, you eat koozh, idlis, mashed apples and bananas, a bit of rice with boiled potatoes, carrots etc. I believe you will grow to like and appreciate food, because you really enjoy eating. Also, nobody can eat their food when you're around without feeling a twinge of guilt, because you simply keep staring at their plate pleading with your eyes to give a portion of it to you.  

As such you are a happy kid, as long as you are not hungry or sleepy, and enjoy your time, rolling around, putting random things into your mouth or trying to lick the floor or having long last conversations with the digital clock.

You enjoy the car rides we take when we got to the hospital for your monthly check-up and I sincerely can't wait to take you out to the beaches and parks and to all your cousins' homes. 

Signing off with the lines of a song that resonates so much with me right now. Its from a tamil movie called Muppozhudhum Un Karpanaigal. A very rough translation of those lines are - At one instant, the mother wants her child to grow up and care for her, but the next second she wants the child to stay as a kid forever. I think this is more of a Mom's Syndrome, and every mother would go through this at some point in time. 

இந்த நிமிடம் நீயும் வளர்ந்து
என்னைத்தாங்க ஏங்கினேன்
அடுத்தக்கணமே குழந்தையாக
என்றும் இருக்க வேண்டினேன்

Love, 

Amma

6 Months

Dearest Bul,

I'm going to use the most clichéd sentence every mom ever does - "Can't believe it's been" 6 months since your birth already. Though the first few months moved in snail's pace, the last couple of months have gone by in a jiffy. 

From a teeny tiny goeey flowing body, with Karasev type hands and legs, you've grown to become a bubbly ball and the thought of gobbling you up is irresistible. (I know, I sound like a cannibal, but the cuteness is too much to handle) It's a joy seeing you grow. How even the minutest and the lamest of the things excite you. Like, the sound of calling bell, the slow movement of ribbons / curtains because of the blowing fan, stainless steel cups & plates, the revolving fan, the neighbor's digital clock, the sound you make with the Thandai when we lay down on floor or try to make you sit in a chair. 

True to the fact that you're growing, one biggest find of this month is to constantly wave your hands or bang the things that you get hold of. You've managed to do the "First official breakage". Banged one poor rattle so badly that it broke into pieces spilling it's tiny pellets that made sounds when you shake it. 

You absolutely love the neon colors, especially the neon orange and green. There are days when you cry your lungs out for no reason (probably, a reason not known to us) but, the moment we show the neon orange rattle you stop crying almost instantaneously. V wonders why you fancy it so much because in his opinion it's one very poorly designed rattle. But you don't give a damn, and love playing it, banging it around to the extent that anybody wanting to come near and play with you think twice before doing it, for the fear of getting hit with it.

One of the things you've picked up recently is, storing a good quantity of saliva in your throat and laughing with it. This makes a grrrrr sound which you totally admire and keep doing when you're really happy and excited. Oh, you also fake cough a lot. Whenever someone near you coughs you instantly cough up too. 

You're learning the art of grabbing stuff. Anything within the range of your open hands is meant for you to grab. You look at it a good few seconds and then jitter your body a little, and slowly bring your hands up from both the sides and grab the thing. And once done, the first thing you do with it is, taste it. Yes, everything you pick up or touch need to be stamped with your saliva before further exploration. 

If there's one thing that V and I have got to learn to live with, atleast for the next couple of years, is to sleep in parts, throughout the night. Sleeping undisturbed for an entire stretch of 6-8hours is a thing of the past for us. It's not that you wake up in the middle of the night and start playing, but slightly different. You start twisting and turning around in your sleep, with eyes shut out completely. That's when either of us have to wake up to ascertain what's up with you. Most often, once we lift you up and rock you, you stop your twistings and hug around and start sleeping. After an hour or so of this peaceful sleep, I lay you back down on the bed. But some days are tough, and you refuse to sleep even with the rocking. On such days, I leave you down on the bed, you open your eyes, keep twisting around for a good 20 minutes, and realise there's nobody there to see or play with you, and drift off to sleep on your own. 

Ever since you started rolling over, you just can't stay upright. These days, the moment we lay you down on a flat surface, you roll over on your stomach in a jiffy. If you aren't sleeping in thooli, you sleep only in rolled over position. You literally refuse to sleep upright. Even when we deliberately lay you upright on the bed, you turn your sides, and slowly roll over and sleep with your face down, with the nose almost always, completely squeezed. 

Bathing is still one of your favorite activities albeit the fact that you no longer stay put. You constantly try to get up from my legs or roll over onto the bathroom floor. You have started to be bathed by both your dad and paati. But you don't really seem to care who's bathing you as long as there's water being poured on you. 

You have been desperately trying to pull yourself up into sitting position by lifting your upper body. (Similar to the way we do crunches) You lift about 3-4 inches off the ground, and then fall back off. I think it'll be another couple of months before you can learn the art of lifting yourself up from the ground and sit. 

The constant kicking of the legs have slowly turned to constant lifting of the legs. You have started to lift the legs up till your stomach and hold it with your hands. I'm really excited to see the day you put your toes into the mouth. That's something I really wish you'd do. 

Next is, FOOD. You've moved from Water to Kanji to juice to Koozh. I still remember the first day we gave you Kanji in the bottle. You drank it up as if you'd drunk this all your life. No tantrums, no spitting (of course, there were some spillage from the sides of your mouth when you sipped it up way too fast, but that's fine). I was shocked, with both happiness and a tinge of sadness. Sad because I will no longer be your sole food provider. From struggling and wanting to quickly get done with all the constant breastfeeding in the initial months, I have come a long way to truly appreciate and enjoy our feeding times. The smile that you'd flash everytime you look at me while feeding is priceless and melts my heart, every single time. 

Juices aren't quite your thing till now. Making you drink them is a struggle in itself. But ther are some days you surprise us by drinking it fully and asking for more. There was one day when we had just one old carrot, and made very little juice out of it, assuming that you'd anyway spit it out. But guess what you did? Drank the whole thing up and as if to appreciate it was tasty, kept clicking your tongue and licking your lips. Your paati was like, "Fresh carrot la juice potu kudutha thoo nu moonjilaye thuppara, pazhaya carrot la potu kudutha super ah iruku nu chappamkottra. Enna da ipdi panra?!"

When you're tired of playing too much and starting to feel sleepy, you let out one big dramatic crying scene with tears flowing down your cheeks. Your dad or me should instantly come to pacify you at this time, else, you don't stop at all. Also, when you're starting to feel sleepy, you demand to be around known faces (which right now is just V, me, Paati and Thatha). If by chance, anybody else tries to lift you and play with you, avlodan pochu! Bang comes the dramatic cry. You did to this my dad when he came over to see you once. Gosh! He was completely shocked. Took us another 15 minutes to calm you down and put you to sleep. But once you got up, you started playing with him as if the kid who cried earlier wasn't you at all. Mahanadigan dawww!!

Your daily terrace outings had made you familiar with most people in the apartment. You don't hesitate to be held by any of them. You have a thing for tall people, (comes from being around V a lot, I suppose) and are almost always ready to go over to any of them. You got to attend your first ever birthday party. It was one of the neighbors kid's birthday and they'd had a small party at their house. Though you were tired because of the lack of proper sleep since the morning that day, you did manage to enjoyed by staring at all the ceiling lights and the numerous lighted balloons flying around. You still continue to be the Social Bird that you were!  

Sleep still happens only with songs playing in the background. Newly added song for this month is Vaa Rayil Vida Polama. (Note: Song suggestions with minimal instrumental intervention are most welcome. Language ain't a barrier at all)

I've resumed back work from last week. Thankfully, it's working from home. But even then it's difficult not being able to play with you or bathe you or just stare at you while you're asleep. You're mostly with your Thatha or Paati these days, exception for a couple of times when I come over and say quick "Hi" to you or have to feed you. Even at those times, I can see you get excited when you look at me. Pah! Those moments are moments that I shall forever cherish. If I were to go to office to resume back work at this time, I'm sure I'd had separation anxiety and had tears rolling down. 

Here's to another couple of months of staying at home and enjoying the times with you. 

Love, 

Amma 

Cloth Diapering

Ever since we knew we were gonna have a baby, me and V were really conscious in ensuring that we avoid Huggies / Pampers and try cloth diapering. We had begun our search for the available alternatives a couple of months before delivery and had shortlisted on products - Superbottoms and Bumpadum. These two were vouched for by a couple of our friends who were already using them and one of them actually added V onto the Superbottoms Facebook group.

Once Athiboy was born, we started using old Veshtis and Pampers for the first couple of days at the hospital. The little one was so sensitive that he started developing rashes on the fourth day of using Pampers. So we had to give up on using Pampers for a while. As we were thinking of how to manage it, there came my cousin with a set of cloth nappies. It was the first time I saw these and I instantly liked them. They were just cloth in the form of diapers with ties to wrap them around the waist. Thanks to him, I started hoarding those and developed a stash of about 25-30 pieces. 

The cloth nappies were best for the morning times, but nights were still a challenge because these nappies only ensure that the whole place doesn't messy, but they get wet immediately. And the little guy wakes up the moment he gets wet. And that's when we thought we would introduce Superbottoms for the nights. 

Our very first Superbottoms product was the New Born Cover Diaper. It has a separate shell to which the soaker pad needs to be snapped into. The soaker pad is made of multiple layers of cloth with a dry-feel soft layer at the top. The layers absorb the pee keeping the top layer touching the baby's skin dry. The shell is the outer cover which has the adjustment snaps to adjust accordingly and Velcro to wrap it around the baby's waist. The cover diaper can withstand upto 4 hours post which you'll start feeling the wetness in the outer layer, which indicates that the diaper is full. Cover diapers are the generally recommended for day-time usage as they can withstand only upto 3-4 hours. However, since Athiboy was a very light sleeper who frequently wakes up even during the nights, we decided to use cover diapers for the nights. 

For night times, the recommended diapers are New Born UNOs. It also has an adjustable outer shell with a dry feel and a pocket. Into the pocket is inserted the soaker pad. This can withstand up to 6-7 hours. The withstanding capacity varies from by how frequent and how much the baby wets.

The newborn UNOs and covers can be used until 3 months or till 5 kgs or until your baby start frequent kicking of legs. Post which we have to move to Free size UNOs and Covers. For us, the constant kicking of the legs which caused the velcro to fall off, was the main reason to move out of New Born UNOs to Free Size UNOs. We made the made by the end of three months. 

Free Size Covers with Soaker

The Free Size UNOs are the best. They can withstand upto 8-10 hours, and came with size adjustable snaps, and a whole range of design options. The withstanding capacity can be increased by another couple of hours by inserting a booster pad (this is similar to the Soaker, but without the dry feel layer) beneath the Soaker. 

There are about 25-30 designs to choose from, each so beautiful and cute. Its always been a tough job to decide on which one to buy. Also, the Free Size UNOs can be used till 3 years of age. Imagine the amount of money you save from not spending on the single use diapers. Ain't that a good enough reason to switch to cloth diapers? 

Free Size UNOs & Soaker

There's another product of Superbottoms which I purchased only recently, and really feel bad for not opting for this earlier. Its the Super Nappies. Its just like every other cloth nappy, but comes with a dry feel layer on the inside, keeping the baby free from any wetness when it pees. These come in 3 different sizes, New Born, Regular and Large which is categorised based on the baby's weight. By the time I bumped into this product, Athiboy was 5 months old, so I had to choose the Large sized ones. But these are absolutely lovely and serves the purpose really well. 

A recent hack that I learnt from Superbottoms Facebook group is to sandwich a booster pad with a fleece liner (this is a diaper liner cloth which is to used over the soakers to minimize the amount of stains on it) into the super nappy. This way the super nappy can withstand about 3-4 pees, which in my case was about 1-2 hours. This has been a saviour in the early mornings, when I've not ready to wake up yet, but need to change the baby's UNO. Remove the UNO, put on the super nappy with booster and enjoy another hour of sleep. 

The biggest advantage of using cloth diapers is they're breathable and doesn't cause any rashes on the baby's bum. You may see a couple of elastic marks when you remove the UNO after usage, but these generally disappear off in sometime.

Cloth diapering almost as simple as Single Use Diapers. All it requires is a little bit of patience to keep changing diapers and a diligent wash routine. You might feel that the cloth diapers are quite expensive when you first buy them, but don't forget to factor in the number of times it can be re-used. If you can take a minute to compute the amount you're likely to spend on single use diapers till you train potty train your kids, the amount spent in cloth diapers will for sure be tremendously lower. Also one other advantage is, if taken adequate care, they can also be passed on to other people once you're done using it. 

Athiboy is almost 6 months old now, and we're still going strong with cloth diapers. Its usually Nappies for the mornings and UNOs for the night until now. Our stash consists of about 30 nappies and 4 UNOs, with a daily wash routine. 

My experience with cloth diapering has been great so far and I feel proud to say I have used only one whole pack of Pampers in the last 6 months. My humblest request to people would be to try cloth diapering instead of the single use ones, as they are both eco-friendly and pocket-friendly in the long run. Feel free to reach out to me in case you have any queries about cloth diapering. I would be more than happy to help.

Yours in Cloths-haven,

J

5 Months!

Dearest Athiboy, 

I think I have finally started feeling that time is flying, because you seem to be growing quite fast, becoming all the more cute and irresistible every passing day.

Yayyyy! This month is a Double Dhamkka, as you've achieved two milestones. Firstly, you have FOUND YOUR VOICE. You have realised that you've a voice and keep showing that to us by constantly shrieking with excitement. Generally, 3pm-4pm is your shriek hour. You're at your best at this time, constantly shrieking with joy, kicking your legs and laughing.

Secondly, after what felt like ages for us, but actually has been only 5 months, you ROLLED OVER. You've been desperately trying to roll over by turning to your sides for the last 1 week and finally, 3 days ago, you pulled it off. And guess what, the first time you did it, nobody saw you. I had fed you and put you in the bed to play, and had gone over to do something outside signalling V to keep an eye on you. He was busy with a work call and once that got over, he turned around to see you banging your face into the bedspread, dripping a mouthful of drool on my phone, and almost started shouting at me for leaving you that way unattended. It took him a couple of moments to realise that you'd indeed rolled over on your own. Well, great job kid! I'm impressed by your determination and how you didn't give up trying  continuously for one whole week before you actually rolled over.  

You sweat a lot. So much sweat that the cloth in which we lay you down always get wet where your back touches it. Given the Chennai summers, these days, you are most often moved into either of the air-conditioned rooms of the house and almost refuse to sleep when you don't have enough air.

As much as you loved thooli last month, you've absolutely ditched it now, main reason being it's in the Hall, and not in one of the air-conditioned bedrooms. You've grown to sleep either in the carseat-cum-rocker and mostly sleep only while listening to songs. This month's new favourite songs being Chellamma Chellamma and Amaidhiyaana Nadhiyinile. If you're half asleep and there's a change of song, you immediately open your eyes and kick your legs to listen on what's going to be played next. And once you realise it's just another of your usual songs, you slowly drift off to sleep.

Your nap times range from anywhere between 20 minutes to 40 minutes at the most, except for one big nap, either late afternoon / early evening. Its one nap I totally enjoy (for my own selfish reasons), because I lay you over me, and hug you around and both of us enjoy a good sleep for 1-2 hours. Sometimes, I try to put you down thinking you are in deep sleep, but the moment your body touches the bed, you start stretching, twisting and turning & wake up in 10-15 minutes.

You have been introduced to the world's magic potion called "water". Though the first week was more of making weird faces and spitting, you have slowly started to like it. You happily gulp down a couple of millilitres, after a heavy shrieking session. 

You're mostly a happy-go-lucky kid, and your cries for food or attention has always been subtle. One of the reasons being, there are always people around you who jump in to pacify on your slightest whim. However, this month we put our first surprise visit to the Paed one evening, because you cried non-stop for 20 minutes scaring your Thatha so much so that he literally dragged us to take you to the doc right away. But by the time we stepped out of the house you stopped crying and acted all chamathu in front of the doctor, making us wonder why did we take you there. Turns out you had colic, which could've caused a stomach ache, making you cry in pain. You occasionally throw in that high decibel-closed eyes cries when waking up from sleep, but with people lifting, patting and talking to you, you slowly open your eyes. Once the eyes open and scan the surroundings, the cry changes to smile almost instantaneously. 

If there's one good thing about the COVID lockdown, it has be the Work-from-home option for V. He's lucky enough to see you grow, and spend a good amount of time with you. He's your terrace partner. Almost 3-4 days a week, he takes you out to the terrace in the evenings. Walking around with you over his shoulders, occasionally stopping by near the Murungamaram and watching you get all excited as the leaves sway with the wind. You love playing with your sleeping dad in the mornings. Every morning, the routine goes like, I wake up, you wake up; I feed you, you half sleep, I put you down next your dad asking him to keep an eye on you. And guess what he does? He doesn't even open his eyes (of course, he wants extra sleep) but instead gives a finger of his in your hands. You hold that tight, play around with it, try to put it in your mouth (but mostly fail to), laugh and talk to it, while your dad conveniently stays in sleep all the while (if you ask him, he might deny this saying he wasn't sleeping, but just keeping his eyes closed).

In these 5 months, I have seen myself change so much. My love for you has definitely grown over this time. From the initial days when neither of us understood what the other person wants, I've grown to understand you slowly. Its sometimes a guessing game, where occasionally I do fail, but most times, I succeed in guessing what exactly bothers you, be it sleep or hunger or just some human touch. 

As much as I love my job and have been desperate to get back ever since the start of my maternity leave, I've started feeling a little concerned that we'll not be able to spend so much time like this together anymore. I think the separation anxiety has kicked in for me. But no matter what, I will always love you Bul. Hope you do too! 

Love,

Amma

Gardening - A Beginner's Journey!

If there's one thing that me and V have been consistently doing in our life after marriage, it has to be the gardening. 

Our terrace garden journey started out one fine weekend, when we randomly did a Google search to find out a nursery nearby. Luckily for us, we found that there was this placed called Indra Terrace Garden near our home. It was pleasant surprise to see such a place in Chennai. It was a home with a small office space in the ground floor, the house in the first floor and the garden in the terrace. And man, what a garden! It had everything from spinaches to chillies, drumstick to bitter guords, tomatoes, mint, marigolds, every inch of the terrace filled with so many bags, pots & shelves of plants. All this grown without any fertilizers or pesticides. We instantly knew we had hit the jackpot, coming to the right place. 

The owner was also kind enough to give us various ideas and details on how and where to start and also an insight on how he managed to do all this despite of him being a full-time employee in a company. 

Our journey began with spinach (amaranth a.k.a Mola keerai) For anyone interested in starting a terrace garden, I'd advise them to begin with this spinach variety. Its almost a foolproof green with a 100% yield. In the 3 years since we started this terrace garden, we'd have taken atleast 3 yields every time we sowed the seeds. Of course we did have 2-3 failures in between, attributable mainly to due our lack of proper care and unable to spot the pest attack early. 

To grow spinach in the terrace, you can use anything from an old paint bucket, or water can or a pot or a tarp grow bag. The height of the bag should be atleast 1.5ft tall (this is sufficient as the roots of the plant aren't going to be too deep). The most important thing for growing any plant is the "soil composition"(potting mix). If you don't get that right, you may not see the desired results. The preferred composition for spinach would be 45% cocopeat, 45% compost, 10% red soil. 

Prepare the potting mix and then sprinkle the seeds onto it and give the soil a good mix. Ensure you only sprinkle the water carefully across the bag and not pour it, because the initial sprouts would be tiny and may fall off / pushed down when you pour water.  

First Sprouts

Make sure you keep checking the plant when you water it everyday. This way you can spot out pest attacks in the early stages. Because once it the pest attacks start, they spread across multiple bags pretty quickly and before you can think of what to do your entire lot would be gone. Most often the pest attack on spinaches can be controlled by spraying neem oil mixed with water. 

By the end of 15-20 days the plants would be ready for harvest. You can either pull off the entire spinach (together with the root) off the bag or cut off the stem a couple of inches above the soil - this way the leaves will grow again and you can take another 2 yields from the same set. I'd personally recommend the latter.

Put in a handful of compost atleast monthly once and also spray Panchagavya fortnightly to ensure the plant grows well.

A picture from my insta, as I'm unable to find the original picture

Once you're done with the all the harvests, let the soil barren for a week (do water it regularly though) and keep mixing the soil to ensure that it doesn't become hard. Make sure to add a handful of compost before you start your next batch.

My two cents for someone who would want to start their own garden - 

• Start small
• Care and spend time with the plants
• Don't hesitate to get your hands dirty or get upset with the smell of the neem oil / Panchagavya (the smell is surely nauseating), you can always wash your hands once the work is done. 
• Don't fear to experiment. You may fail quite a few times, but don't give up. Analyse what could've gone wrong and think / read / ask for corrective measures. There are lots of online forums, and videos which would help you. 

Lastly, the joy of seeing the efforts your toil as a flower blooms or a vegetable pops out is priceless. You'll also learn to appreciate the effort a farmer puts in to grow the food on your plate and make you feel grateful for them. 

Musings of my mind - II

There are some things that I observe around me and which have quite an impact on me, and I believe most of you reading this might agree with me. 

One: 

Everyone in this world need some kind of motivation / appreciation / recognition for their efforts, just like how we expect recognition for our efforts in work / office. Unless such appreciation or recognition keep coming, people are bound to get frustrated and annoyed quite often. This applies to families as well. 

I feel, we generally take family for granted for things that are being done for us. If somebody in our family does something for us, how often have we taken time to appreciate it? Almost never right? Why do we deny them that? What do we lose in spending a few minutes to let them know what their work means to you? If not daily, atleast once in a while, we can surely do this. It'd instantly make them happy and also make them feel important. 

For example, when someone takes an effort to cook something new, even though it's not something you like, or that it didn't taste the way you like, before you comment on how it is, please take a moment to appreciate the effort they put in. That'd instantly boost them up. Later on, you can let them know what you didn't like. Also, the key is in the way you communicate it to them. I'd recommend putting it out as an improvement point, rather than an outright negative comment. Eg. You could use phrases like, "so-and-so could have been better", instead of an outright "I don't like it". This will surely create a positive impact on the recipient. 

Two:

The world is filled with people who are so different from each other. Each one has a certain way of doing things, and most often it may not be the same way that you'd do it or like it to be done. The end results, however, are going to be the same. 

When we need a work to be done by someone, why are we so persistent that it has to be done the way we do it? Once we delegate a work to somebody, we keep making corrections to their approach to the extent that drives the other person to think why they agreed to do that work in the first place, and the next time they wouldn't bother asking if they could help you and you'd be left doing all the work yourself. Further, you also lose the right to constantly tell that all the work is done only by you and nobody is helping out. Help was offered, but you were only too stubborn to accept it the way it came. 

So, whenever you need help, ask for it and mention the key things to be done or the result you need. Learn not to micro manage and accept the work as it gets done. This way the person delegating can relax and the person who does the work would also feel good that they were able contribute something in the chores. 

Have any of you faced these situations? If so, do let me know your suggestions on how else these things can be handled in a better way.

4 months!

Dear Athiyan,

You've got through 123 days of life on this planet and I truly hope you're enjoying it.

The fourth month has gone by pretty fast. We've made the shift from my parents home to V's home. I was really surprised at the way you took to this change. You hardly batted an eye. You took to the change like a fish to water.  You were brought here in your sleep. You woke up once, nursed and slept. And finally after 5 hours when you woke up, you started playing as if nothing had happened.

While your maternal grandparents are still struggling to cope with the emptiness there with your departure, you're busy keeping your paternal grandparents here on their toes all the time. And what more, they're always ready to oblige to you. 

Gone are the days of your mindless self-entertainment, now you demand attention. When you're put in the bed and there's no one looking at or playing with you, you become quite restless and start grunting. You only stop when somebody comes over and does some antics and you instantly smile. And that smile slowly changes into a desperate request for them to lift and hold you. 

You've grown a lot and you no longer fit into your dad's arms. Also, you keep placing your foot on anything that gives you a grip (like people's arms, legs or the walls) and leap upward. Your head has set and you love turning it around and looking at everything when somebody holds you up. With a very bright yellow-orange dancing duck, your grandma has finally managed to make you turn your head to the right. Still, left is your first preference, but slowly and steadily you do turn to right once in while, or when somebody tries to interact with you. 

Your love for lights has only increased more. You spend most of your evenings interacting (aka making random noises and laughing) with the various colored lights in the ceiling and the light in the fish tank. 

You enjoy bathing, and absolutely love it when you are poured water. Right at the end of fifth minute out of the bath, you demand to be put to sleep, leaving us with very little time to dress you up.

You seem to like only rough-and-tough games where you're literally being squeezed out. The way you laugh when V does a lift-and-freefall can vouch for how much you enjoy it. As much as V loves doing it, you love being the recipient of it. But along with that hysterical laugh comes a ton of drool. You're a drool factory currently. If the drool doesn't automatically come out of your mouth, you deliberately put your hands / fingers into your mouth and take out another ton of drool. Half the day is spent wiping out your drooling face. 

Making you sleep has become a herculean task these days and most often is preceded by full-on crying and pulling of your hair. You've a certain way for sleeping with each person and refuse to sleep otherwise. Like, if your paati is making you sleep, she has to put you on her lap and rock. If it's me, I'll either have to put you up on my shoulders or in my legs. If either of us change our usual ways, you get visibly irritated. Whosoever tries to make you sleep, this song should invariably run in the background. 

Our best bonding time is while you feed. Though you've become quite playful, the way you flash your toothless smile once your stomach is full is priceless. That is something I shall forever cherish. 

Your whole world revolves around 3 rooms and occasionally the terrace.  With the Corona pandemic and lockdowns everywhere, we were unable to take you out anywhere. Hope we'll go more places, (if not more, atleast to the beach) once things settle down.

Love, 

Amma

3 Months!

Dear Bulbul, 

Kudos to us! We've reached the 3-months milestone.

This month V and I became very rebellious and took you over to the beach. Guess how you responded to being taken there? You had an absolutely wonderful and relaxed sleep. You You didn't give a damn about the noises, the rising sun, or the cold breeze, and slept peacefully. I just hope you grow to love the beach more. It's one of the best things in Chennai, and we'd love to take you there often. 

We went to the Miniroo exhibition that happened this month at the Crowne Plaza. That place is every kids' heaven. I guess the kids knew it, because despite the crowd and the noise and so many little and not-so-little kids and toddlers in the hall, there were hardly any cry outs or tantrums. The expo had all kinds of  kids products right from cloth diapers to dresses to accessories to shoes and healthcare products. My sole purpose of going to that expo was to get a baby carrier, so that we can carry you along like how a Kangaroo carries its baby. I wanted to try it once before purchasing it outright, and this expo happened just at the right time. V decides to try it first with you and guess what, you settled in pretty cosily and slept off. And thus, the carrier was purchased. I managed to take you out for walks with it only a couple of times due to lack of adequate time. Hoping we'll go more places with it !

Icing on the cake was, as we came out of the expo, guess whom we meet! CSK's very own Thala and Chinna Thala.. Dhoni & Raina. 

The biggest milestone of this month is that you recognize people. That is, you understand when somebody is trying to interact with you and what more, you respond with your billion dollar toothless smile. And the very first time you did that to me, it sure was a "kannula-thanni-vechunda" moment. 

You don't sleep even if you're mildly wet. You keep twisting and turning and if nobody notices all that, you finally let you a couple of koin-koins, which we usually take as a sleeping cue, but when you constantly let out koin-koins every 5 seconds, it finally dawns on us to check if you're wet. It's really sad that you'd have to use only koin-koin for everything you need, be it food, sleep or just some attention. I'm slowly becoming a pro in understanding your cues, but sometimes it becomes a tough game of guessing and I get lost and clueless. But hey, don't you worry, this shall soon change as you grow. 

You love when people lift you by the arm and make faces at you swinging you up & down.  You can't contain your excitement and laugh ever so cutely. Now that you've grown a little, you've started demanding that we hold you over our shoulders and take a walk around the house so that you can see various things, trees, people and smile at random things as if you both had a great conversation.

You always wake up with such joy in the morning that it is as if you telling me, "Ma, it's a beautiful life, come let's enjoy!" Gives me immense pleasure to see you like this and that morning smile instantly makes my day.

You love curtains and keep smiling at them all the time. Also, you're so attracted to lights. Staring and laughing at them is your favorite passtime. 

Lastly, from blowing raspberry bubbles, you've started drooling over saliva. One jollu party you are. You're busy learning the art of putting hand in mouth. Sometimes, the entire hand, sometimes a couple of fingers. But everything is always left. Be it the side you turn your face, or the fingers you put in the mouth or the cycling of legs. Left is always a priority over the right for you, leaving me to wonder what this is going to mean!

And that's the gist of your 90 days life on earth. Can't wait for you to grow up, and at the same time, don't want to you, because you're the best at this moment.

Love, 

J 

Baby Talk

An article I read in FB. This is something that I needed right now and every time I feel things are going out of hand in managing the little one. Each line of it will truly resonate with every mom out there. A million thanks to whomsoever who wrote this! 

Dear mama,

Could you wake up for a minute? I know it's hard for you to open your eyes - we haven't slept a lot yet tonight. But mama, I kinda need you right now. You see, the thing is, I feel a bit lonely at the moment. I'm lying here in my crib and I'm somewhat cold.

I didn't mean to cry so I'm sorry I did. I've been trying to get your attention by making some noises for a while now but you were in such a deep sleep, you couldn't hear me. I don't know how else to get your attention. During the day, I see and hear you all make noises and I see you respond well to each other. You talk to me like that too. And I try very hard but I don't know how to do that yet. So I cry so you'd listen to me.

Mama, I'm sorry for crying. Like I said, I feel a bit lonely. I just spent nine months inside your belly where I've always felt safe. It's a bit scary to me to be in such a big bed all by myself. I miss your heartbeat, the rushing of your blood, the warmth and the food. I miss your breathing and your hands you put over me to protect me when I still was inside your belly.

So mama, would you please listen to me? I'm calling for you in the only way I'm able to. I feel really alone. I need your warmth and your peace for a moment. I need to know for sure you're still here. So can I come lay with you for a little while to feel your warmth?

Some cuddles first. Mama, this feels so nice. I feel you holding me while you gently rock me and when I can smell and feel you, I feel so safe. I can feel your hand on my back and my ear is placed just right on your heart. Mom, this is home to me. Do you remember back when we were always together? I always felt like this back then. Sometimes I miss that time. It was so nice to be close to you. 

 When I hear you softly whisper into my ear "Everything is okay little one, everything is fine". Your voice is so soft and familiar. You smell good mom. A bit like me and a bit like you.

Mama, will you hold me just a littler longer? I'm really tired and I feel so relaxed in your arms. It almost feels like before. I'm going to close my eyes for a little while, okay? Can I please stay with you here a little longer to enjoy your love and your presence?

And can I drink some more? Mama, since we're laying like this anyway.. I'd like to ask you something. I know, it sounds pretty sad because I can't talk like you can yet so I'm sorry for crying again. But mama, can I please drink some more? My throat is dry and my tummy is empty and since we're here anyway...maybe I can have a few more sips? Your milk tastes delicious and is so warm and familiar.

Thanks mom, that's exactly what I needed. I was really really thirsty. Your finger on my cheek feels great by the way. And you're smiling at me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile and feeling your presence. I'll close my eyes again, okay?

Please don't put me away straight away, I really enjoy falling asleep here. This feels really good. Can I stay with you for another hour or so?

My tummy hurts. What is that?! Mama! Can you feel this? Mom? My tummy hurts so bad. What is happening? Please help me mama, I don't know what's happening. I've never felt anything like this.

Thank you for rubbing my belly mom. It's late and everyone is asleep. I'm so happy you're here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you mama. My tummy already hurts less and when you hold me like that... I feel pretty tired. Maybe i'll close my eyes again. Please hold me a little longer?

Can I have more cuddles? You won't believe this mama! I'm a bit scared. I just woke up and I didn't know where I was for a second. It was all dark and a little cold again. I know you're tired mama. But I really missed you, can I please be with you again for a while?

Mama, I can see that you're tired. There are tears in your eyes and every now and then a tear rolls down your cheek. I'm sorry mama but I feel really strange in this new world. I miss home. I miss always being close to you.

Sometimes I feel a tear fall on my head while you gently rock me. You're singing me a song so that I can go back to sleep. You softly dry the tears that fell on my head with your hand. That feels nice mom, do that again?

I fall asleep on your chest. You feel so soft, so familiar. There's nowhere I sleep better than here. My legs are pulled up, just like they were back when I still lived with you. I can hear your heartbeat again and I move along with your breathing.

I will learn soon. Mama, you're the best place to be. I'm so glad I get to come to you over and over again.

I don't like being unable to just ask either but I'm really happy you listen to me when I call for you.

Soon, I'll be able to be there for you. Or for my brothers or sisters. Or for my friends in school. You're teaching me how to take care of someone.

You're teaching me that you listen, even when I can't ask. You're teaching me I'm safe, even when sometimes it feels like I'm not. You're teaching me that you love me, even when you're very tired. Thank you.

And mama, I love you.

{author unknown}

2 months!

Dear Bulbul,

You're two months old now. 

Just when I thought that you've established a sleep-wake-feed cycle for yourself, you broke off the cycle and wanted to start all over again. Man, you became tough again. But things got better around this month, mainly because I gathered myself up, and started to adjust myself and my life around you. 

You have started growing up bud, both physically and visibly in actions. You have started dropping a lot of smiles and laughs, constantly cycling with the legs, boxing the air with your hands and making up raspberry bubbles all the time, even when you're asleep. You do respond to people talking to you, making sounds and laughing when they talk to you. Once or twice, you do follow people moving from one place to another in front of your eyes. You have found the comfort of the human hands, and refuse to leave their laps if you're really cranky and drift off to sleep in a while, only to wake up when you're put down on the bed. 

Oh, the biggest find of this month is, you're a Social Bird. Yes, you love to be around people and you're mostly happy around noisy places and sleep off peacefully there. You've attended two marriages, been to a late night airport send off, went to a hotel for an anniversary dinner party. In all these places, you were acting just like you belonged there, not a whim or a tantrum. You just love people holding you and have managed to be the centre of attraction in almost all these places. 

This is the month, I have finally found the courage to hold you up over my shoulders and make you burp after feeding. Initially you were pretty cool and lay still without much movement. But now, since your head is almost in your control and you keep dangling it around when I try to burp giving mini shocks to me, and making me extra cautious. Hope the head sets in by end of next month atleast. 

So that's all for now. 2 down and an eternity to go! 

P.S.: You've been nicknamed as bulbul by yours truly!

Love, 

J

1 month of Athi boy!

21 December 2019

It was just like any other day in my pregnancy. Being the due date of delivery, my doctor had advised me to get admitted at the hospital for monitoring. So, after a sumptuous meal loaded with pakathu veetu paal payasam & some mouth-watering vadas made by MIL, we set out to the hospital at about 7.30 PM. Initial examination led to the decision of an emergency operation as the umbilical cord was twisting around the baby from the stomach. In the next half and hour, I was ushered into the OT, and two minutes inside it, I could hear a slow cry. It was the baby. It was finally out, after 10 months of living inside me. When the doctor showed me the baby, in a faint and rather dry voice I uttered, "It's a boy". The OT had Ilayaraja music that being played in the background, which kept me distracted while the doctors were getting done with the other procedures. (They played Raja Raja Chozhan song) 

Post the operation, I was held under observation for a couple of hours and then finally moved into a private room. And that's where I met the whole of the family, all celebrating the arrival of the little human. Slowly people started departing, and with the effects of the medication slowly taking over, I drifted off to sleep as well. 

Except for those 3 seconds in the OT, I hadn't looked at the kid after the birth. It was only in the morning next day that I saw him. A tiny being, with big round eyes, extra long fingers and lanky legs. He kept opening and closing his eyes, staring at god-knows-what. And thus, began our journey. 

The first night was quite tough. I had to wake up every hour to nurse the baby. For someone who valued and worshipped her sleep deeply, this was really hard. And both the kid and me being new, things weren't easy. Sleep deprevation, Pain from the surgery and a constantly crying baby, the combo became deadly. 

The next morning went by smoothly, as there were lots of people around and the kid slept off peacefully through the day. Second night was better than the previous with couple of hours of sleep between each nursing session. The next few days at the hospital were quick. People, from near and far, came over to have a glimpse of the Kutti Pattani. After 3 days, we left the hospital. 

The moment I stepped into my home, the reality of having to take care of this tiny little baby scared me. My mind was unable to comprehend the fact that this little human being was totally going to be my responsibility from here on and that almost my whole day (or life?) is going to revolve around him. 

First week at home, I was tired with this monotonous cycle and post partum depression started peeping in. V came in the mornings and helped around. But it was the nights which were challenging. There were a lot of times when I completely broke down. But seriously

thanks to my mom and dad for being my pillar of support and patiently telling me I'd soon be fine. And a special mention to my brother on trying hard to console me on one particular day when I broke down inconsolably. 

As the days passed, the little boy has slowly started falling into a decent sleep and wake cycle. His staring aka play time has increased and he recognizes sudden burst of sounds.

Today, after a month, this is where he is. Sleep -> Feed -> self entertains himself for about 15-20 mins and drops a couple of smiles, post which there is one "koin-koin", which means, we have to lift him up and hold. Next he stares at something for a good 10-15 mins and slowly drifts off into sleep. 

Wondering how the next month with this little fellow is going to be. Hope I have strength and patience to cope with it and enjoy his growth. 

Stats: 

BW: 2.8 kg BH: 48cm

CW: 3.8 kg